Grief and Loss: Navigating the Uncharted Territory of Mourning

By Kelli Kerkhoff

Sweetgrass Psychiatry Psychotherapy Intern, Charleston Southern University

Losing a loved one is one of life’s most profound and challenging experiences. Yet, in our fast-paced society, there’s often an unspoken expectation to “get over it” quickly, leaving those who are grieving feeling misunderstood or isolated. Grief is a deeply personal and unique experience—no two people grieve the same way, and that’s okay.

Grief is often compared to a snowflake—while the experience of loss is universal, the way each person processes and feels grief is distinctly individual. The timeline for grief can vary greatly; some feel the weight of their loss immediately, while others may not truly confront their feelings until months or even years later. It's common to see someone minimize their grief, comparing it to another person’s loss, thinking they shouldn’t feel as deeply or take as much time. But grief isn't a competition, and every feeling is valid.

One of the most challenging aspects of grieving is the sense of loneliness that can come with it. Many who are grieving feel as though no one can truly understand the depth of their loss, and this isolation can be compounded by the societal pressure to appear "strong" or "resilient." It's not uncommon for those in mourning to find themselves comforting others rather than being comforted themselves. The truth is, grief doesn't follow a linear path, and the process of healing can take time—often much longer than society may acknowledge.

The Silent Struggle of Grief

Unfortunately, despite how common the experience of loss is, it remains a topic that’s not openly discussed. This silence can lead to bottled-up emotions that eventually manifest as anger, depression, anxiety, or even substance abuse as a means of numbing the pain. Without healthy outlets to express these feelings, individuals may experience physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or muscle pain. Grief can feel like an emotional full-time job, one that you never applied for and don’t know how to quit.

Grief is also often accompanied by a host of complex emotions—denial, anger, guilt, and even blame. And as these emotions swirl, there’s the additional burden of adjusting to a new reality, one in which the deceased is no longer present. This adjustment takes time, and for some, the realization may come in waves, triggered by a familiar smell, a song, or a photograph that brings memories rushing back.

How to Cope with Grief: The Importance of Support

There’s no single “right” way to grieve. However, it’s essential to share your feelings with others, whether that’s a trusted friend, family member, spiritual leader, or a professional counselor. Many find solace in grief support groups, where they can connect with others who have experienced similar losses. These groups, often guided by a professional, provide a safe space for sharing stories, receiving validation, and learning coping strategies.

Beyond talking, there are other ways to process grief that can be equally therapeutic. Writing about the loved one—whether in a journal or through creative works—can help preserve memories and give expression to complex emotions. Art, music, or creating a scrapbook of photos and cherished moments can offer comfort and a way to honor the deceased. Celebrating their life through shared stories or memorial activities can also help in coming to terms with the loss and keeping their memory alive.

The Physical and Emotional Toll of Grief

Grief doesn’t just affect emotions; it can also have profound physical effects. Some people may experience fatigue, difficulty concentrating, somatic symptoms like headaches or stomachaches, or even feel confused and disoriented. These reactions are entirely normal. Grief can sometimes feel overwhelming, striking unexpectedly and leaving you feeling drained, both mentally and physically. This is why self-care is so critical during the grieving process.

Self-compassion is a vital aspect of healing. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without judgment, and don’t rush the process. Grieving can’t be put on a timetable, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal.

Seeking Professional Help

While time can help, sometimes grief becomes overwhelming, and professional help may be needed. If you or someone you know is struggling to cope with a loss, reaching out to a medical or mental health provider can be a crucial step. A therapist can help guide you through your grief, teach healthy coping strategies, and, if necessary, prescribe medication to help manage overwhelming emotions like anxiety or depression.

Remember, You’re Not Alone

Though the journey through grief is deeply personal, you are not alone in it. There are resources and people who can help guide you through the process, offering support, understanding, and validation.

For further reading, consider It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine, a comforting guide for those grieving the loss of a partner or spouse.

For additional support, visit What’s Your Grief, a comprehensive resource offering tools and information for those grieving, those supporting a grieving person, and clinicians alike.

In grief, healing comes from honoring your emotions, embracing the memories, and allowing yourself the grace to move forward in your own time.

For additional help with grief, loss, or depression, we are here to support you at Sweetgrass Psychiatry. Our team of compassionate therapists and psychiatrists is available to help you navigate these challenging emotions. Please don't hesitate to reach out—call us at 843-800-1303 today. You don't have to go through this alone; we're here to help.